Feeling Overwhelmed? Practical Ways Planners Can Rebuild Resilience

How do you keep showing up for work through life's hard moments?

The American Planning Association (APA) spoke with Dr. Janelle McNeal about regaining your balance and building resilience to show up effectively even during life's challenging moments. Dr. McNeal, a licensed psychologist based in Lexington, Kentucky, and owner of True North Counseling & Development, works with entrepreneurs, business owners, and high-level executives to feel a better sense of balance, recognize unhelpful patterns of behavior, and to be intentional about how they respond.

The following conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

APA: There's sometimes a point of pride or a badge of honor to keep "showing up" or keep moving forward when times are hard. When should you push yourself, and when should you not? 

MCNEAL: Sometimes, there are situations where you might kind of be in a rut, and it is a good idea to just sort of keep going. But what I find is that when people get overwhelmed, they get burned out. And when they keep going through those sorts of feelings, it just exacerbates whatever is bothering them in the first place. There is a place for pushing, working, and doing things; but there's also a place for rest, or to replenish. We need to rest to build up the reserves to do the work we have in our lives.

Replenish yourself

Clients that I work with will say they're exhausted. They'll say, "I'm feeling this exhaustion that just goes beyond, 'I stayed up a little bit too late last night, and I'm tired.'" It's more of a bone weariness. It's a sense of I really can't go on. There are things that we can do to help ourselves get back to a better state.

I highly recommend 4-7-8 breathing. You breathe in to the count of four, hold the breath for seven, and then exhale the breath for a count of eight. The reason you hold for seven counts is that it builds up tension. You want to exhale, and it almost mimics the anxiety or the tension that we feel. And it makes the exhale feel really great. It's like holding weights that are really heavy, and when you put them down, you're so relieved. You feel so much better than if somebody said, "just relax."

I often encourage people to do this because you can do it in such a short amount of time, maybe three rounds of breathing, and your body, your nervous system basically can relax. Your body believes, "Oh, I'm safer." Your heart rate can go down. Your blood pressure can even go down.

APA: What are some signs that you might be experiencing professional or personal overload?

MCNEAL: I work a lot with entrepreneurs, business owners, high-level executives, and companies, and one thing that they'll say is that they feel like they're on a treadmill. They'll feel the sense that they're behind, or feel like they’re just dropping the ball; a sense that they might be doing well enough at work, but not where they would like to be. It's almost like they're not meeting the standards that they have set for themselves.

Feeling unable to focus, as too many things are happening, almost having that feeling like you're being pecked to death. I think that sense of being unfocused can stem a lot from hearing notifications, whether it's through your phone, computer, or wearable devices — being almost too aware of what's happening and not feeling grounded, centered and steady.

I will sometimes take sabbaticals from wearing my Google Pixel Watch. Anything that can give us more of a sense of quiet, I think, is really helpful, whether that's emotionally quiet or mentally quiet.

Decision fatigue is a clear sign you might need a break. When people just ask a simple question, and you're like, "I don't know, I can't answer one more question, or I can't decide one more thing." People say they feel a sense of brain fog, or like they're underwater. It's like dodgeball. I'm getting hit in all these different directions by different things.

APA: Planners are managing a lot professionally. Between political demands, community members, and general uncertainty, what can they do to help ensure they don't feel like they are underwater? 

MCNEAL: It's irritating when people say, "Do these three things and then your life will be under control." I don't really believe in work-life balance. What I believe in is more of a work-life rhythm. Sometimes more of our energy is in the work bucket. Sometimes it's more in the personal life bucket.

Prioritization

We can't make clones of ourselves, so I think prioritization is key. Look at your value system, think about what is most important to you. A question that I'll ask a lot is, "at the end of my life, if I make this choice or that choice, which one will I regret the most?" Because I think when you're in the moment, it can feel like whichever siren is louder gets the attention. But you can look into your value system and say that between these two options, this one is truly most important to me.

Post-It Accomplishments

I also recommend that before you leave the office, you write on a Post-It Note one to three things that you would like to accomplish the next day. Some days, it might be one thing depending on your work schedule or family demands. The small number of items is being reasonable and will give you a sense of accomplishment. Then, the next morning, I review it and ask if it still makes sense. Did anything happen between when I left the office and the next morning? I'll review the list, does it still make sense? We want to set ourselves up in the beginning for really small wins that you can build on. You want to be able to cross things off a list.

Win List

Keep a wins list. I have a document on my computer where, if I do something I feel good about, I add it to the "wins list." The wins can depend on the day. It could be as simple as getting up and brushing my teeth. If you're in a deep, deep depression, that can be amazingly difficult to do. Then, I look back over the years and see the progress over time. What used to be hard maybe three years ago isn't hard anymore, or that's not that big a deal, or I'm not struggling in that same area. 

APA: How do you set up boundaries, especially when it can feel like the workday never ends?

MCNEAL: A good boundary is not to look at social media before you go to sleep. Social media has figured out what elicits emotion from us. It can feel like we're being thrown around emotionally, and that's putting yourself in a pretty bad position before you close your eyes. You might have bad dreams; you might not sleep well that night. And that will affect you in the morning.

Bookend Your Days

I will also choose to be finished with my work to the best of my ability, knowing full well that you might occasionally have to break that general standard or rule for yourself. Instead of starting your day by looking at your phone or email, give yourself at least 15 minutes. Consider setting a daily morning and closing routine — bookending your days. That can help you feel like you have your life together and create a beautiful opening and closing to your day.

Give More Grace

Give yourself more grace, more self-compassion. Planners have a big responsibility thinking about what would be best for your community as a whole, and that can feel like a lot of pressure — like letting the whole city down. But we can remember that we're generally doing the best that we can, that our hearts are in the right place, and our intentions are good. And remind yourself that you will make mistakes, and you will do things that people won't agree with. That's part of the deal.

I think we just need to be kinder to ourselves in general. As a culture, we've gotten extremely critical. I think if we put some gentleness in there, we generally do better. If we're just kinder, more loving, more gentle with ourselves, we can go much farther.

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