What Grief Taught Me About Leadership and Personal Resilience

Despite spending over 30 years in planning, resilience is not something I learned from a textbook, a project schedule, or a public hearing. It's something I learned through being a father and, more recently, because of experiencing a personal loss.

Brad Cornelius, AICP, CFM, CPM, shares how personal loss redefined the meaning of resilience to him.

Becoming a father through adoption changed my perspective in a way that no professional experience could have. It was about providing stability, consistency, patience, and love for my sons. That responsibility shaped how I approached life at home and, in many ways, how I approached leadership at work. 

As a senior project manager at Wade Trim, I have spent my career helping communities work through growth, change, and competing priorities. No two projects are ever exactly alike. Public expectations shift, regulations evolve, and what appears straightforward at the beginning can quickly become more complicated. Over time, you learn to listen carefully, adapt where needed, and help people find a practical path forward.

At the same time, like many working parents, I needed to be able to move from a client call or public meeting directly into my Dad duties, finding a way to shift from land use strategy to the conversations and responsibilities that mattered most at home. But then I faced the most difficult challenge of my life: losing my wife.

There is nothing in school, professional training, or your career that can prepare you for that kind of loss. It changes your sense of time, your focus, your energy, and your understanding of what really matters. Everything feels uncertain, but the people who depend on you still need you to show up. My sons still needed me. My work still required my attention. My team still looked to me for guidance and leadership.

I remember asking myself a very practical question: How do I continue to show up for everyone while carrying something this heavy? The truth is it's not about having everything figured out; it's about being present, being steady, and doing the next right thing.

See the Bigger Picture

As planners, we are trained to think about how decisions affect communities over time. Similarly, going through personal loss made me more aware of the individual stories taking place around me every day.

At Wade Trim, I began to see my role through a broader lens. I lead projects, manage client relationships, and help deliver quality work. But just as importantly, I support people who are often carrying responsibilities, pressures, and personal challenges that are not always visible. That is where my work as a planner and my life experience intersect.

Every project, challenge, and difficult moment is an opportunity to build something stronger — whether that is a community, a team, or an individual.

Meet People Where They Are

In planning, we bring together different perspectives, balance competing needs, and help create a path forward when there is not a simple answer. Leadership requires many of those same skills. When someone on my team is working through a difficult season, I try to meet them where they are. Sometimes, that means adjusting priorities, providing flexibility, or helping them focus on what needs to be done first. Other times, it means simply listening and making sure they know they are supported. I do not see that as separate from the work. I see it as part of building a strong, resilient team.

Just as in planning, leadership is not about controlling every outcome. It's about guiding, asking good questions, providing directions, and helping people work through the issue in front of them. Resilience also is not built by avoiding challenges. It's built by working through them with the right support.

Build Community

At the end of the day, the work we do as planners is about helping build better communities, and the work we do as leaders is about building stronger people within those communities. That is what resilience has come to mean to me. It is not simply getting through difficult moments. It is using those experiences to lead with more patience, more perspective, and a stronger commitment to helping others move forward.

Top image: iStock/Getty Images Plus - Philippe Paternolli

About the author

Brad Cornelius, AICP, CFM, CPM is a vice president at Wade Trim in Florida.